“Pink Flamingos” or a day in the life of a Telemarketer.

Pink Flamingos Audio

I worked in telephone sales at one time. It’s a great job. You get people who hang up on you from all over the country. Here is a typical day in phone sales.

Scene 1

A man in a Phone Bank

                                                             Dave                                                                                             Hello, is this Mrs. Levy? Wonderful. Hello Mrs. Levy, I am Dave Driscoll from Florida Lawn Art. How are you today? Great. How is the weather in Florida today, Mrs. Levy? Hello are you there? (Dials another number)

 Hello is this Mrs. Wheel?  I am sorry so Mrs. Weil.  Hello, Hello….

(dials again) Hello is this Mrs. Kenzie? Hello Mrs. Kenzie, this is Dave Driscoll from Florida Lawn Art. How are you, today? You’re taking a driving lesson? Oh, dear and you picked up the phone? I see, and now you just hit the car in front of you…You have to call me back. Can I leave my phone number??? Hello, Hello, I’ll try later. Hello is Mrs. Miller in? …. Hello Mrs. Miller. Dave Driscoll from Florida Lawn Art. How you today? You’re sick? I am sorry to hear that. I will be quick. I see that in 2018 you purchased our 10 pack of Woodland Gnomes. I see so…They are guarding your pool as we speak. That’s great. How are they holding up? The sun has faded Gnomeo? Oh, I am sorry to hear that! But Juliet is doing great. Those Capulets always were hardy. I am going to send you free of charge our DODO BIRD ON A STICK to replace Gnomeo…Oh absolutely, they are a laugh riot. I have six in my yard and I am still laughing. Mrs. Miller, I have good news for you. We are having a sale on our 50 pink flamingos pack and as a previous customer I can take 10% off the sale price. I know it does sound like a lot of flamingos. I said exactly the same thing until I got my set. I put them on the lawn next to the Dodo Birds and I thought I was in the Everglades. And since you are in the Everglades, it’s even better. The fake flamingos will keep the real ones off the lawn. Do you have any small pets, Mrs. Miller? Oh, I am so sorry. Yes, I am sure Muffy is in a better place. The alligators hate the flamingo’s so…. where did you bury Muffy? Oh, you never recovered the body…enough said. You bet we have a few other items. We have a full chess set for the front yard. The pieces are 6ft high and we throw in the board for free. Only $79.95. Oh, of course you’re afraid the neighbors would think you have gone a little fancy on them with a chess set. How about Christmas? That is our specialty. How about the whole Christmas scene? It includes The Holy Family for only $425, a Kneeling Shepard $175, the Wise Men $625, a Sitting Camel $175, and a Standing Shepard $195. I would recommend the whole package.  You will feel like you are right there in Bethlehem. Yes, Yes, I agree the Wise Men are very important. I know they’re expensive, but they’re a big seller. What is the difference between the Kneeling Shepard and the Standing Shepard? Great Question. Let me look. Well from what I can see the Kneeling Shepard looks like a Muslim and the Stand One looks normal. OK we will take out the Kneeling Shepard. Let’s add that up. That comes to $1420.00 One thing, I see you live in Florida. Should I include our living Menorah so our – (cough)Jewish friends in the neighborhood won’t feel left out? Enough said Mrs. Miller… The Christmas scene is on its way…. And for you Mrs. Miller I have a gift. How about the 50 pink Flamingos as my gift to you? Please, Mrs. Miller. Knowing you will have Jesus on your lawn this Christmas in a sea of Pink Flamingos is thanks enough. Will you be using Visa, Master Card or American Express? I know you hate to give this information over the phone to a perfect stranger. But think of the good you are doing for the environment. And we here at Florida Lawn Art donate a penny of every credit card purchase to world hunger. I know, but we all need to start someplace.

3 thoughts on ““Pink Flamingos” or a day in the life of a Telemarketer.”

  1. This reminds me of my job as a surveyor for Merv Fields’ polls back in the summer of 1981. I experienced my first earthquake while I was on a call. I think people were a lot more receptive to talking to telephoners back in the day, but I hung up and turned around with outrage to say to the people in the phone bank “ why are you shoving my desk around while I’m trying to make a call?” And they were terrified faces as we all realized what it was. I learned a lot from that job I never made a big sale like yours! Keep up the good writing Jimmy!

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  2. Hey Jimmy-brings back my own days as a telemarketer, boy do you have to be young to do that! I never made a penny at it- was selling vacations, was about 19 years old, and had never even been on a vacation! I used the name the fabulous name of “Hillary Parker”, but even that didn’t help-moved on quickly! It sounds like you were a good salesman-You’ve convinced Me–“I’ll take a set of Eight Pink Flamingos For My Front Lawn Too!” Great job my friend! xo

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